3 things i like right now
salted black licorice
black licorice has a bad reputation for being disgusting, and some if it definitely is. but trying things that are challenging is important for a full and meaningful life, and licorice is an easy way to get started.
jellybeans are the worst way to eat it and salted is the best way. salted licorice comes from sweden and runs the gamut from mostly sweet to straight up cat piss because the salt flavor comes from salmiak, or ammonium chloride. no idea why the swedes use this to salt their licorice. trying different brands can be a little like cat piss russian (swedish?) roulette, but that’s why it’s fun.
i would offer a safe choice as an entry point but that’s for you to find out for yourself. if you see me IRL i might have a bag of licorice in my purse to share because i love it so much, so don’t be afraid to ask.
im not afraid of black licorice, and now i’m afraid of nothing.
trying different bottled waters
im a girl who loves paying a little extra to make a normal or boring experience a little more fun or special.
sometimes i feel sorry for myself for having to do chores or errands, so i like to give myself a little treat to help me get over being a giant baby. lately it’s been a fancy bottled water every time i go to the grocery store. sometimes it’s a fancy bottled water and a little something sweet, like a chocolate or a cookie.
i try to go for the glass bottles for extra luxury and fewer endocrine disruptors or whatever. and it’s fun to have a little mission to find new ones i’ve never seen before when i go out. it would be even more fun if i liked sparkling water probably, but i don’t.
my go-to is mountain valley spring but i also love acqua panna, antipodes, and this one brand that is like $12 but i forgot the name. i’ve only gotten that once and will probably only get it again on my birthday or something.
for the premium water heads, i’ve recommended this filter for your tap water before, and still extremely recommend that if you like having yummy water all the time. it makes coffee and whatever else you make with it taste awesome.
i tried ketamine therapy for anxiety and depression a few months ago after coming down hard with the saddest sads i’ve ever had in my life.
if you interacted with me anytime between july 2022 and ~january 2023, please know i was really going through it and i apologize for whatever weird shit i was up to. thank you to my friends who listened to me talk and cry for hours.
in november it became pretty unbearable and i spent a long time googling for help. i decided on a 4-week program of intramuscular ketamine injections at an in-person psychedelic therapy clinic. i had 2 sessions a week for 1.5 hours each, which was a lot of commitment and frankly exhausting.
each session started with a little a mental health check-in with my session therapist. then another guy came in and injected me with ketamine in my arm. then i laid down on a couch with a blanket, noise cancelling headphones, and eye shades and hung out like that for about 5 minutes until the trip started. my therapist was in the room the whole time and we talked about the experience as i woke up.
the first session made me extremely ill and i threw up for hours. the later sessions were less intense but still made me pretty nauseous and definitely tired for the rest of the day.
be aware that a therapeutic dose is definitely hallucinatory and you will absolutely leave your body to float around in a variety of mind realms for what feels like maybe hours even though its only like 20-30 minutes. you won’t feel your body and the music will feel like it’s everywhere. this part was fun and i only felt nauseous when i tried to sit up afterwards.
the after effects weren’t quite what i expected, but definitely worth feeling ill twice a week for 4 weeks out of my entire life. it doesn’t shut off your depression forever and make you an automatically happy person, but i definitely don’t think i could’ve climbed out of my depression pit on my own. i felt better the day after the first session vs. waiting weeks for traditional SSRIs to kick in.
most people don’t get as sick as i did. i threw up several times in 2 different ubers. my first driver told me about his divorce and his own depression and then held my hand while i puked onto the sidewalk. he told me i would be okay and reminded me i was strong because i was a female born in the most powerful year of the dragon. he was sweet and i’ll never forget him. i hope we see each other again. thank you andrew!
i could talk about the after effects for a long time, but an acquaintance summed up the benefits nicely when i asked about her experience:
“imagine your brain is a junk closet. before ketamine, you open it up, and there’s a bunch of shit falling everywhere and you don’t really know where anything is or how to find it. then the ketamine just sort of organizes the junk closet and makes it easier to navigate whatever is in there. plus it throws some of the junk away forever. i’m still a depressed and OCD person, but now i just have more tools to manage it.”
and i’d say that’s about accurate. it’s definitely all about how you integrate your experience into your daily life once it’s over. the trip won’t do it on it’s own.
if you wanna know more, i’d love to share over facetime or zoom or on the phone.
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